Living lost days,
We sat in a crime,
Our eyes fixed by love.
Humbled by its quiet nature,
We danced forever
In that look.
When our hearts melted
Between the lyrical flow of our hands
And the thick weight of our breath,
Something gave way.
But it wasn’t as it seemed,
For it was a different love
Unseen.
A love
Seized,
Just before,
Healing.
Unveiling The Truth…to discovering your inner self.
Finally here, my truth!
Written by me, the idea came from not feeling I had the “ideal” body, as well as not feeling “white” enough, according to my society. And that led to feelings of unattractiveness and feelings of rejection.
During the finishing steps of the book over the last years, I realized it was healing alot of anger from the rejection I felt from my mother saw as well.
Useful tips and tools simplified for teenagers, but adults will appreciate the affirmations and quotes as well, and maybe even my perspective.
Very healing.
1) What is your idea of the “perfect” body type?
The perfect body type is one where a person is not limited in what they want to do
2) What do you think America’s idea of physical beauty is? (weight, ethnicity, status, hair color, etc)
White, blonde hair, blue eyes, and a size 0-2
Did you think you fit “that look?”
No, I may be slim, but I am far from the look
3) Do you think it is important to be beautiful in our society?
Yes, but it is more important for a person to view themself as beautiful
4) How did your mother portray beauty to you?
“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder” and “Beauty is only skin deep” she always portrayed beauty as being on the inside and it will show on the outside
Was she concerned with looking beautiful all the time?
No, I don’t ever remember her being worried about beauty
Were there pressures from her to be beautiful?
No, she is more concerned with having a beautiful personality
5) Did you perceive yourself as beautiful?
Not when I was younger, but during my senior year in high school I did
Were you told often that you were beautiful?
By my mother yes
If yes, do you feel you have been valued/recognized for your talents/abilities as well as your beauty?
Yes, by my mother
If yes, did you feel pressured to be “pretty” all the time?
Not at all
How did this make you feel?
I was never bothered by it
6) Did you grow up in an environment that was body conscious?
Not really, I grew up around boys so beauty was not very important
7) Were you body conscious or were you interested in “being pretty?”
I’m not sure of the difference
If this was an issue for you, please answer these below, if not you can skip to #8:
If so, did you wear makeup?
I didn’t start wearing makeup until I was 13 years old and I only wore eyeshadow and mascara
If so, did you feel you needed it all the time to “look” beautiful? Would you be comfortable leaving the house without any on?
No, I didn’t wear makeup that often when I was younger and I still don’t wear it that much
How did you feel entering high school around pretty girls in regards to dating or otherwise?
I didn’t think much about it. I was more concerned with trying to meet new people because I was new to the students because all my old friends went to a different school
Did you compare yourself to them?
Not often, I didn’t worry about the other girls at my school too much
8) Did you grow up with healthy male attention from your father or another male figure?
Yes, I grew up with my step dad for 9 years now
If so, did they tell you were beautiful and special?
No, but I don’t think I needed that when I was younger
9) Do you think you valued your body or YOU as a teenager?
I valued myself as a teenager, even if I didn’t quite understand that I did value myself.
If you do value and love yourself COMPLETELY, and were not concerned with your looks and being pretty, what kind of advice do you have for other young girls that are concerned with them?
I think most girls don’t know that makeup is supposed to enhance your beauty and not BE your beauty; which means that girls are already beautiful without makeup naturally. I think that more young girls need to understand that beauty comes in many different shapes, forms, textures, and colors and that everything is beautiful in its own way.
10) Do you value yourself inwardly or outwardly now?
I value myself inwardly because I value my thoughts and feelings
If not, what do you wish you would have been taught that would have helped you be more confident in yourself in your early teenage years? (Do you wish your mother or father would have told you how special you were, how you had talents? What would you have liked to have heard or seen?)
11) What do you wish American media would portray to young girls and women in terms of what is considered “pretty”?
or do you think they should portray our accomplishments or something else instead?
I think that America should portray everyone as being beautiful in their own way. Some individual celebrities do try to show young girls this, but I think the overall media should make more of an effort to portray beauty as more than skin deep.
1) What is your idea of the “perfect” body type?
My idea of the perfect body type is the type one can feel comfortable with by being themselves; physically I prefer an athletic body for myself but I don’t necessarily think everyone should have that type of body.
2) What do you think America’s idea of physical beauty is? (weight, ethnicity, status, hair color, etc)
When I think of “America’s idea of beauty” I think it has changed over the years.. I think it used to be Caucasian, blonde hair, blue eyes, 110lbs..but I think times have changed and on the magazines I still see thin but sometimes dangerously thin, all ethnicity but not really healthy looking unfortunately.
Did you think you fit “that look?“
I think I somewhat fit the older version of “All American” with a few extra pounds that I’m happy with.
3) Do you think it is important to be beautiful in our society?
I would love to say no but unfortunately the reality is that it is important. It is instinctual to judge on appearances and our society (meaning our media) has fashioned us to believe it is extremely important.
4) How did your mother portray beauty to you?
My mother portrayed beauty to me by saying I don’t have to prove myself to anyone and that inner confidence is what makes one beautiful.
Was she concerned with looking beautiful all the time?
No she was not concerned with looking beautiful all the time. She was only concerned occasionally for example a special occasion, or going out to dinner. She wasn’t the type to put on make up just to go to the grocery store.
Were there pressures from her to be beautiful?
Not at all. Her motto is “comfort over fashion”. I learned most of what I know about fashion and beauty by reading fashion magazines.
5) Did you perceive yourself as beautiful?
I felt like an ugly duckling growing up and sometimes wished my mother would have shown me more about how to be fashionable and how to be pretty.
Were you told often that you were beautiful?
Not often. Just when we were dressed up for occasions and not really at all from my dad. In fact I remember my mother and he had words once because she said he needed to tell me I looked beautiful and he responded by saying no i don’t because she will hear that enough from other people. She responded by saying, “..but she needs to hear it from you.”
If yes, do you feel you have been valued/recognized for your talents/abilities as well as your beauty?
My parents always pushed me to do sports. Sometimes I didn’t want to it because it wasn’t always fun but now that I’m older I’m glad I did….so to answer this question I guess the recognition I received was mostly related to sports.
If yes, did you feel pressured to be “pretty” all the time?
No
How did this make you feel?
It made me feel like a tomboy and by the time the other girls in school were wearing makeup and starting to make themselves look nicer, I felt like I didn’t know what I was supposed to do.
6) Did you grow up in an environment that was body conscious?
No – only in a sense that we shouldn’t stuff ourselves when eating, and that we should eat and be healthy, drink lots of water, and posture and articulation were extremely important for some reason…Now that I’m older I understand why.
7) Were you body conscious or were you interested in “being pretty?”
Yes. I thought I boy might not like me if I weren’t pretty. Even though my mom told me that wasn’t true, I didn’t believe her back then.
If this was an issue for you, please answer these below, if not you can skip to #8:
If so, did you wear makeup?
Yes.
If so, did you feel you needed it all the time to “look” beautiful? Would you be comfortable leaving the house without any on?
I wasn’t comfortable leaving the house without make up on until I became much older and finally someone made me feel beautiful without my makeup.
How did you feel entering high school around pretty girls in regards to dating or otherwise?
I felt pretty but never really got along with many other girls. I also felt like more of a trend setter than a follower and I think other girls felt threatened by that.
Did you compare yourself to them?
Only by thinking I wish they felt as comfortable as I did being unique and would accept me for it, but most the time they didn’t but that didn’t stop me either. I tried to be friends with other girls but so many of them turned out to be whiney and shallow, and nobody likes that so I figured I would be better off being an independent woman and being choosy with the friends I select.
8) Did you grow up with healthy male attention from your father or another male figure?
I would have to say no.
If so, did they tell you were beautiful and special?
No…see #5
9) Do you think you valued your body or YOU as a teenager?
No. Looking back on it I think I did by being unique but if I would have had more attention from my dad I probably wouldn’t have had so so many boyfriends.
If you do value and love yourself COMPLETELY, and were not concerned with your looks and being pretty, what kind of advice do you have for other young girls that are concerned with them?
Even though I was concerned I still have advice for girls and that is: try not to be somebody else just because you think it’s popular. Most of the time the popular thing to do isn’t always the right thing to do…love yourself for being unique and someday someone will come along and love you for that.
..and those girls who are mean and popular?…They end up terribly miserable later in life…so don’t worry about them.
10) Do you value yourself inwardly or outwardly now?
Inwardly
Epiphany –
A comprehension or perception of reality by means of a sudden intuitive realization.
I wonder if in the ritual of bathing there is something that triggers epiphanies. Cause this always seems to be where I get my most important messages. Often that bring me to tears. They move me, and are transformative.
The other night, I realized in this important time in my life with the release of my book, that not only is my book healing me from my anger from rejection from society and my mother…it is healing my anger towards myself. I’m angry that I let my mother hurt me, and didn’t speak up for fear of confrontation. But in that same respect, I understand that she has always been irrational. It’s no wonder I didn’t want to confront her. So I feel I can’t completely blame myself for feeling like that. It would have probably made me more crazy to act on my emotions. But the down side to not saying anything, is that I pushed all the anger inside. Bad idea. Because I feel anger wrecked my spirit, and it has probably done more damage to my subconscious than I thought.
But I don’t need to feel that way anymore is the point so…did I have to write the book to prove something to myself???
Yes. Because I taught myself my own sense of value, on my own, something I was not given by my parents. It was something I taught myself without therapy, but philosophies. And constantly feeding myself knowledge and books, books, and books.
“So, yes, mother. Even though you rejected every part of me, I love myself and know I have value and gifts to give the world. Even though you said you loved me all the time, your actions didn’t show that. I have been so angry at myself that I didn’t just tell you to stop, and that you were hurting me.”
Sometimes the simplest words and reaction can be the most effective to deal with confrontations. This is a a new concept for me to fathom as I am so used to talking things out, and trying to resolve problems. That’s why I have such an issue in this area, but really there is no rationalizing with the irrational! Especially in this case, she is in another land and still thinks we get along pretty good. Wow, even after told her how I felt years ago, she just got quiet. At least she didn’t debate me.
So I, Nora, the activist, preach and support speaking up and learning to communicate for conflict resolution, but well, sometimes it doesn’t always work out. Especially with irrational.
A new theory for me:
with the irrational, to include the close-minded, keep it simple if I wanna speak up, or try to interact very little with these types of people.
