Excerpts From My Personal Diary, Emotional Security

So, in my opinion most issues or challenges I have with myself or others, I try to figure out myself.  But there are times I make myself crazy because I can’t.  My good friend and I have talked numerous times how people like us need special therapists as well.

We are of a mass of people who already know the issues at hand and are conscious of our actions already, we just need direction in how to move forward within our  dilemnas to manifest change.  It’s just the getting there, or how bout we already did “that,” now what?

For example in continuation of my post on Accepting, Forgiving, and Thanking My Mom:

I know I have experienced rejection, anger, and abandonment, which have all affected my sense of self worth.  In all of my years since I was in my early 20’s developing myself, I actually thought  I was moving past this.  But apparently it is rooted deus and my subconscious is havtimes hard time letting go.

Now what?  I would like to move past it finally, because I realize there is no reason to hold on to those feelings anymore.  I think I have been holding on to these feelings through my relationships with close friends.  And I feel I need to be independent OF them.

Over the past two years, I feel I have experienced the loss of close relationships that have caused me the same sort of emotional grief,  I can imagine, is like when you lose someone in a physical death.  But not quite as traumatic.  Never the less, relationships I cannot go back to.  And I had to retrain my brain to react differently.

So this is the beginning of when I really started journaling trying to get tonthe heart of the matter.  Asking myself alot of questions.

These are some of the personal notes from my diary…

What makes me feel abandoned as an adult,  (as a result of my mother giving me away)?

-People who are flakey, and this makes me think they are unreliable

-Not having a sense of family, even within my community

-The “sense” everyone leaves

What gives me emotional security?

-Writing because it helps me connect by talking with myself, and it helps me remember that I don’t NEED SOMEONE to give it to me

-Giving back to kids

-Visiting my temple regularly

Finding like-minded people who care as much about me as I do them

 

With the launch of my empowerment book, I truly feel I am closer to letting go of these emotions of my past.  It I has been a healing process of finally speaking my truth.  Which comes from not only my mother’s rejection, but also my society.

 

It has been a long time coming…

I’m makin magic happen, and the plan is start a movement for change…

 

I can’t wait to see what’s going to happen to me and my life.